


Virus

by kokuchim



Category: Bleach
Genre: A trojan virus, Alternate Universe - Crack, F/M, Fluff, Grimmjow has a potty mouth, Grimmjow searches for porn, I Can't Believe I Wrote This
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-16
Updated: 2014-06-16
Packaged: 2018-02-04 22:32:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1795591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kokuchim/pseuds/kokuchim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Orihime gets a laptop from Tatsuki and teaches Ulquiorra about its use and the importance of an antivirus system. It's sort of AU? Probably.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Virus

Orihime was tinkering on a laptop that her friend Tatsuki had given her yesterday for her birthday. She was uploading photos of herself and Ulquiorra until she heard an all too familiar voice. "Woman, what are you dong?" it asked.

She looked up from her computer and saw Ulquiorra peering down at her with his emerald green eyes. He was still wearing his brown slacks, green shirt and yellow apron with the convenience store's logo "Happy Mart." How he had been hired had always eluded her friends, especially Ichigo, since he wasn't one for smiling. But Orihime thinks that it's because of his efficiency instead of his gloomy disposition that had gotten him hired.

She smiled at him and opened her mouth to speak, "Ahh, Ulquiorra! I didn't notice you were here! I thought you weren't going to come home until later this afternoon!" Orihime said quickly. If he found out what she was doing, who knew what he would do to her and her laptop. She cringed at the thought.

" The manager closed the shop early. He said it had something to do with an "anniversary" he said with his usual monotonous voice.

"Ahh, he must be celebrating it with his wife in a fancy restaurant and watching a movie called 'The last romance novel' or they might be looking at the stars and eating cream puff pies with mustard on them or maybe eating truffle cakes with mayonnaise —" the rest of her sentence was cut off by a set of lips placed on hers.

In the span of her rather long sentence he had seated himself next to her and put in his simple words "Shut her up." She places her arms around his neck and returns the kiss, deepening it. They stay like this for a few more seconds before He breaks it off for much needed air. Orihime turns beet red.

He seats himself more comfortably and looks into her eyes. "What is an anniversary?" he asked, he couldn't hide his curiosity about the said word any longer. Orihime chuckled and couldn't repress a smile. " Don't tell me you don't know what an anniversary is?" " If I knew what is was Woman, would I need to ask you?" he said coldly.

Orihime merely smiled and held his hand. "Umm, how should I explain it, an anniversary is sort of like umm a special day you spend with a person you love." Answering his question. Seeing his confusion she clicks open a new tab on her internet browser and types in anniversary on the search bar. Ulquiorra eyes the gadget curiously. "What is this contraption?"

"Oh, this? It's a laptop. You can use it to type documents and it helps you send mails faster. You can also play games on the net and stuff. It's pretty neat!" A sudden box appears out of nowhere and a loud siren sound can be heard from it. " Ahh there's virus! Umm, Delete, Delete" as Orihime was saying it she had moved the mouse and deleted the virus, quelling the noise.

"Phew, I thought my computer would be a goner. It was Trojan" she whispers to herself. "What is a virus? And what does that have to do with a Trojan?" Ulquiorra asks his hands carefully touching the screen of  _laptop_  as she called it.

" A virus is sort of this organization of bad monsters that terrorizes the city of the laptop and Trojan is one of the really strong baddies that are a part of the organization." She explains. His eyebrows slightly furrow and looks at Orihime.

He couldn't understand it. ' _If there were 'baddies' that were terrorizing this laptop then they should be eradicated'_ Ulquiorra thought _._  He suddenly remembers her actions that deleted the virus. "If they are viruses and are dangerous to this laptop then how did you manage to eradicate it from your system?" He asked.

"Umm, you see, the laptop enlists the help of the hero the  _Antivirus_ and he defeats the virus! He also patrols the perimeter of the city of laptop and protects it from any viruses that threaten to attack it!" Orihime replies excitedly.

Ulquiorra deciphers her words and proceeds to repeat it in an intellectual manner, "So the antivirus destroys the virus that threatens to harm your laptop and protects it from anything else that tries to harm it. Intriguing." He says, eyeing the computer intensely. ' _This will prove very useful to me in the future_ ' Ulquiorra thinks and looks at his woman. "Teach me how to use this laptop"

Orihime pouts at him, " Say my name." Ulquiorra could feel his lips curling upward ever so slightly as he gives in to her request. " Teach me how to use this laptop, Orihime" he says monotonously. She smiles at him and proceeds to teach him about its uses and its various functions and abilities.

Ulquiorra prided himself in his ability to learn things quickly and his ability to decipher Orihime's lingo and explanations. By eight pm and after four hours of learning about its use he successfully searches the meaning of anniversary.

He reads from the page to an excited Orihime, "According to wikipedia, an Anniversary is a day that commemorates and or celebrates a past event that occurred on the same day of the year as the initial event."

Orihime hugs him tightly and kisses him chastely in the lips. " Well done Ulquiorra! You can use a computer now!" she says happily! A slight smile escaped from Ulquiorra's lips as he basks in his triumph which makes Orihime beam even more.

She looks at the clock and gasps, "Ah! We haven't even eaten dinner yet! How about we eat outside tonight?" Ulquiorra merely nods and she detaches herself from their embrace to get changed. From inside her room she shouts, "Ulquiorra, can you turn off the laptop please!"

He sends a surprise email to a special friend who had irked him earlier. He turns off the computer and proceeds to his room to change his shirt. They emerge five minutes later and leave for a restaurant. Hands intertwined as they walk towards their destination.

\--

In another part of Karakura town, grimmjow is looking at his stash of rated material and sees a message in his inbox from an unknown sender. "Who the fuck sent this?" he mumbles to himself as he clicks the link embedded in it and gets a virus. Specifically a Trojan.

"Shit! What the fuck is happening? The fucking windows won't stop popping, screw this shit!" he curses as well as many other profanities that shall remain unnamed as he realizes the words written in the innumerous windows.  _Sucker_. His blood boiling as his computer crashes. "What the fuck just happened?" He screams banging his fists against it.

Syazel heard his profanities and came to check up on him, " You seem to have caught a virus. A Trojan to be exact. You don't seem to have an ant-virus do you?" he says sarcastically. He stops to think about the person who could have ever sent him one. Only one person crossed his mind. Grimmjow's face contorts in pure anger and screams his name. "Ulquiorra! You damned fuck! I'll get you for this! "

And in another part of the town the said Arrancar merely smiles as he spends time with his beloved woman. Content that he had his revenge.


End file.
